Family, What We Have Done And Are Doing

This is an opinion piece, My Opinion in regards to family. And yet, I show the TORAH’s words also.

There are many ways to start this piece and each would be valid. So, I will start with what happened today that got me thinking about this writing.

Today was an early October Sunday, where for a change, I went to Shul to hear a Rabbi speak about a book on which my thoughts on this type of subject causes me great aggravation and I would not usually attend. However, this one I did attend, and the results were not different. I am neither upset with the Rabbi nor the Author. Not even the book, which states the results of our actions. The last is only performed in the manner of stating research and scholarly documentation, but for me, I attach my personal experience and knowledge from many sources, including the Tanakh.

Some of the items pointed out in that discuss were:
Giving up personal autonomy after having a baby;
resulting in the frustration of the mother with the demands of the baby;
and the need to be CEO of the home by managing everything and everyone;
the need to juggle the child care,
the office if you have a career,
medical issues,
baby feeding issues,
diaper changing,
noise,
sleep loss,
lack of appreciation,
the delegation/division of house work with the husband and of course he may even want sex, which is now a massive burden;. . . . .

It was pointed out that it does not get easier with the child going to school, and the desire to micro-manage the schedule of the child/children, which causes them(the child/children) to feel great amounts of personal pressure, while having no free time to be bored which leads to greater creativity.

Those are some of the points covered in the discussion. They really are not that different from most of these types of books/discussions from the past 25 years.

I was raised in the 1950’s, where my mother had children, as close in age as 11 months three weeks apart, with me starting the line up. While I was the only child at the start of my life. I lost that position 14.4 months into my life when my first brother showed his face. One aspect of my personality my mom describes as “Mother Hen”, her example: when my first brother had a dirty diaper and was crying, no one came to help, so my mother found me with Paul’s diaper pin undone and I was trying to get him out of his dirty diaper. I do not personally remember this as I had to be 2 and 1/2 years of age at the time. I have a great memory, but not that great. The point here is, I came into the world seemingly worried and trying to help others, which based upon my writings, I would need to acknowledge has not changed much, I am still worried about the “Dirty Diapers”. Even that of my daughter, in the middle of the night, when she was that age.

Why am I disturbed about this discussion? The “personal autonomy” for me was the biggest light bulb in years.

1) ‘Giving up personal autonomy.’ As most of this is related to the New Realities of Progressives, Liberals, Socialist, Communist, left wing, …. where personal autonomy does not have any existence?

I am very old fashion, 3 to 4 thousand years old fashion and yet still only a few decades in the U. S. America’s timeline. I have over eight years military, including war, and I can tell you there is no autonomy as a government underling, you do what needs to be done for those around, you believing they will do the same for you. It wasn’t until recently (last 50 years+/-) in our history, that it has been considered outrageous to be divorced, even for cause. This meant that you need to find a partner that you were going to be with your whole life. Ideally, this man and woman would be partners in life, which means personally being the other half of the someone.

Being a part of someone else, leaves you with no real autonomy. You and they do what is needed to have food, clothing, a roof, warmth and then to the pool of the family. Perhaps as you and they grow together, you actually learn love.

Maybe that is why combat veterans(who must rely on ) have friendship that last a lifetime with those they were in combat with. I watch your back and you watch mine.(example: 2 Samuel 10 the story of Hanun the son of Nahash and what happened when David sent ambassadors to console a grieving son of a king that showed friendship to David.)

2) I cannot leave the ‘Personal Autonomy’ issue as it seems to be a foundation issue for everyone. Personal autonomy is more of the idea of always seeking “What is in it for me?” answers.

Here I will go to the Writings of Moses(TORAH) to learn about the original intent of man and woman relationships. In Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said: ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.’…. (This is stated before Adam was even given a job to do).  This I find an interesting statement coming from the MASTER IF THE UNIVERSE.(see Created “In Our Image”)

Adam was given this task: Genesis 2:
19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto the man to see what he would call them; and whatsoever the man would call every living creature, that was to be the name thereof.
20 And the man gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a help meet for him.

But, when Adam saw the woman he said:
“Genesis 2:
23 And the man said: ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. ….”

Is it so difficult to understand that while THE LORD is there for your soul, the union discussed by Adam is your life on this world? ( Check out: “How Is Man And His Wife Like GOD?“)

Some Basics We Should Understand:

1) How you live, will be emulated by your children, they start learning the first breath. Maybe before that? (Look at “Faithfully Teach your children — The Reason WHY.“)
2) Men and women ARE different. Not just in genitalia, but in every aspect of their life, the hearts, and their thoughts, even the way they view the world.

In general terms:
Man (is created hardened by the world for protecting, usually facing[out] away from home and family, yet that is where his heart is always watching) were made to get food, plan for hazards, understand and to stop the enemy by all means necessary to protect his family, then his community and country.
Woman or women, (softer, gentler than man, usually facing[in] toward the children, family, friends, the support structure that makes  all of this possible) providing an emotional and physical support, making the home, raising the children, maintaining a community of family and friends, healing, supporting and maintaining the refuge worthy of the defense and sacrifices given by the man.
This is not only a description of a man or a woman(women) but of the family they create together, which over time becomes a community(a people or even a nation). We can watch this in action through the Story of Jacob and his life contained the TORAH, Genesis Chapters 25through 50.

While it is possible for men and women to live in isolation their whole life, they will leave no legacy, have no trustable relations, are not worthy of support from any children, family, community which they were opposed to building, supporting or loving. When there life is done, they are done. Having neither added to man kinds future, not taught what has been learned, provided no insights, for they truly have not experience with these matters.

As I have learned, there are times when we must add our personal effort in support of the other, family and even sometimes the community. The LORD made you and me for a set of specific functions, with skills, assets and challenges, which individually we are required to choose what ‘I will do and won’t do’, thereby earning the reward of each choice made. None of us were meant to be solo.

My Definition of “TORAH”, also know as the Writings of Moses, or the Five Books of Moses, I give you the On One Foot Definition of TORAH: It explains:
A) Who is GOD.
B) What HE Wants from you.
C) How to treat your family(blood).
D) How to treat those which are not family.
E) Your responsibility to protect everyone from what you do. The rest to the TORAH is Examples of why and how.

For example of how the TORAH teaches and gives examples. I started this with a statement from Adam regarding woman. The LORD demonstrates Adam’s words when the LORD SPOKE these words to more than three MILLION of the Children of JACOB(Israel) inExodus 20:

7 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
8 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work;
9 but the seventh day is a sabbath unto the LORD thy God, in it thou shalt not do any manner of work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy man-servant, nor thy maid-servant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates;
10 for in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested on the seventh day; wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

That is the Law of the Seventh Day –Shabbat. In verse 9, do you see that someone(or someones) is missing. The wife (wives) are missing. No this does not mean they do not keep the Sabbath! You is the man and wife, as one flesh! From Genesis 2:24, also above, “….cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.” Notice HE is not named and She is not mentioned, instead “YOU” In the form of “thou” is stated. Not He, not Her but you, your son, your daughter, . . . . A team, together as ONE, not for me, but for US and our family, our future.

In the end: Your soul is the most valuable possession you have. The second most valuable possession is your family and then your friends. By being Righteous you save your Soul and demonstrate to the others how important they are to you so that they may learn to do the same.

There is much to say on this subject, and I will revisit this many times. It is important, until the LAST DAY.

Do you want to know what you need to do or do you have questions: Ask me.

I can show you the way, if you want to know.

IT is to our benefit to HEARKEN until the LIVING GOD OF ISRAEL, and to our pain and shame to do otherwise.

My prayer is that The LORD grant you eyes that see, ears that hear and an understanding heart, then you return unto HIM soon!(Isaiah 6: 9 And He said: ‘Go, and tell this people: hear ye indeed, but understand not; and see ye indeed, but perceive not. 10 Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they, seeing with their eyes, and hearing with their ears, and understanding with their heart, return, and be healed.’)

If you have questions, write me or submit a comment.

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Shalom,

Yaakov